十。二十

話說其實我過來之後,電腦發生了一點問題,頂板有一邊鬆脫了(本身是粘實的),然後底板有一粒小螺絲鬆脫了,不知是否因為這些,蓋上電腦拿起時就會有類似電話較了震機的震動;另外今日發覺電腦的hard drive剩下9GB多,一直都很奇怪為何儲存量愈來愈少,因為我從不會將任何資料儲存在電腦hard drive裏的,雖然我知總會有一些temp files喇。

次次不在香港的時候,電子零件總會有問題…(真係咪話唔邪,定係我磁場同電子野唔夾?)

剛剛去洗眼鏡時把它弄跌了,好像跟了上面”那條路”去了…..(不會吧!)


今日culture of race and racism錄了音,但下課拿起手機時看到沒有在錄了,看來手機只可以一次性錄25分鐘,不過還好,下半堂的內容不太有趣。seminar開始時poonam叫我們不要跟熟人坐在一起,最好每堂都自動自覺地跟自己”不喜歡”(lol)的人坐,因為racism就是從這些地方而來,我同意但我反而感覺之後的discussion本身就已經是racism。今日的topic是whiteness,是要說人普遍不會當白人是”白”,但會define黑人為黑人、亞洲人為亞洲人,即是說”白”是大多數,比較有權力,然後他們白人自己其實不會自知自己有優勢,因為他們是在優勢裏成長。其實我覺得同組的都說得對,但可能這堂是說white vs black多點,所以我覺得我們亞洲人(以今天來說的話是我,因為sophie今天沒有來)是最被嚴重忽略的一羣,整個過程組員都在說,說真的我看著聽著就有點不是滋味,其實我是想說很多東西的,但那班PK(一個黑人本地女孩、一個白人男孩、兩個白人女孩,其中一個白人女孩沒有說過話)好像認為自己很懂似的(article topic是of course all white ppl are racists!),i dnt mean that u have to take the blame,but u guys still dnt get wt is racism,如果你是說贊成white are all racists(which they did said they all 100% agreed and they even said they think that ppl in social science somehow more likely to open-minded and conscious about this kind of issue),then why do u think black ppl get asked if they are offended when they are called black but we, asian, were never asked??i mean we are never asked about ANYTHING! I just felt ignored! 最激氣是,最後that big white guy said sth about black ppl, white ppl and yellow(!!) ppl, 我知道那不是故意的,但那個就是racism! I AM NEVER A YELLOW PERSON! 然後全班還要笑他用這個term….頂你個肺!

我下堂後心情完全不好,現在想應該就是因為這個原因吧,但那時我還以為是因為自己的dissertation…

到river island 拿了online collection的鞋後,就到bamboo shoots吃飯,從出面看還以為關了呢(因為大多數英國shops都六點收的,做晚市的restaurants當然例外)。結果我就是那時唯一的和當天最後的客人了,一直跟老闆在談話,心情好多了,內容不多說,但他其實一直都在東亞地區工作(所以現在開的食肆sell的是東南亞食物<就算是東南亞食物都夠我滿足思鄉的了),重點是他說亞洲人友善多了,英國人很rude…sainsbury買完食物後就回家了…

in fact wt i wanna say is, racism towards asian is pretty unconsious in the uk or even in western countries or even in us as asian, coz wt i encountered in the uk is not only because i am an exceptional case. Also its not just about colour vs colour or ethnicity vs ethnicity, it happens even within an ethnicity group or perhaps just within a little group (say 3 ppl). when u r in a group that is the majority, u will never be conscious about whether minority feels good or not. So next time when “someone” said sth u find offended, maybe its not entirely that “someone”s fault, coz “someone” maybe unconscious about wt he/she speaks is offended, coz their prejudice level is not the same as yours but they are guilty about that coz it CAUSES PAIN. this case is not limited to every ethnicity, colour or blackground.

This is essential and i speak to everyone for this. And just because u dnt hv an experience on that, doesnt mean that the issue nvr exists. But I know its a norm that ppl are usually ignorant on wt others are claiming or others’ opinions.

現在想,somehow whenever i feel distant or not pleased in here is mainly because of racism…

ok可能我讀社會學讀media讀到太上腦吧… (被我拖進這裏的朋友們不好意思……)

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